batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
