boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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