Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
