DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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