Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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