No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
barbara walters just said penis...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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