I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
