At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i out mim tonsoeep
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