Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Randomize
