All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
