just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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