If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
