and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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