conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am available for nakedness
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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