i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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