I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
