I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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