it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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