The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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