I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone came in the potted fern
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
