I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
