i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
