whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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