Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
