Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
