Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
