how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
