Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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