Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
