How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
