you win again, gameday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
