Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
