Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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