my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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