my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
