the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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