Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
