You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
