Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
