Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
