Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
