When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
