I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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