When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize