from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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