Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
