first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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