I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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