Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
