Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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