epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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