I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
