yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
