My first STD was from a foam party
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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