don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize