NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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