if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
