somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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