ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
