I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
