Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
