i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is wine microwaveable?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
