Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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