Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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