ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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