turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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