she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
