when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
