do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
