If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
