white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
