I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
