Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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