just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
