Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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