Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
