It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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