so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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