I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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