I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize