do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
