Someone shit on the floor
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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