Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
