How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
